Lost Without You

Humans fault. We are not perfect, no matter how hard we try. We can establish rules and guidelines, set standards and live by values, but at the end of the day, we are human and we make mistakes that hurt.

God is the only faultless being. Without God's perfection, we can't know forgiveness. It's only by grace that we forgive and it's only through true forgiveness that we can move beyond each imperfection.

Humans tire, waiver, doubt, malnourish because we are not perfect; we are needy. When are needs are not met, we become prone to making more mistakes. We are created in a perfect image, but that does not make us perfect. Take care of yourself, eliminate and prevent the factors that make you more mistake prone or unable to forgive. Do your absolute best to be perfect by creating and living a healthy life. Forgive mistakes with as little haste possible, knowing your own mistakes will happen.

Ephesians 2:4-5 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.

We are saved from harboring guilt and anger because we know grace.

More

Matthew West's song "More" speaks truth and sheds some light on the previous posts. When you think about love and loving as God loves his people, the chorus below provides a great perspective.

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me

Wow. That's a lot of loving. Let's get to it.

Men: A Call to Action

Modern society has bread indifference amongst men regarding women, and in-return, women have become artificial. Men need to take a stand against values NOT encompassed in Proverbs 31:10-31 and the best way to take a stand against what is not, is to appreciate what is. We as people are in a constant state of comparison and women endure the comparisons to a greater degree. Men need to re-evaluate what values they desire in women, and appreciate all women who maintain and uphold those values (platonic relationships included).

Most men agree the Proverbs 31 woman is a rarityin today's society, partly due to the fact that men have not help up their end of the bargain to:

• Provide Security: Emotional, financial, and physical security.


• Show Affection: Sex doesn't always count. Genuine face time, hugs, kisses, cuddling.


• Understand: Listen rather than tell.


• Reassure: Remind women they are beautiful on all accounts and that being
  respectable is a virtue. In a world of constant comparison reassurance is essential to self-esteem.


• Servantly Lead: You are not taking 51%, you are not entitled to 51%, you are greatful for it once you rightfully earn it, and you use it wisely and with great discernment. This isn't a dictatorship.

This is a two-part deal. Men need to fulfill their respective roles, to allow for women to more easily take on their respective roles. Likewise, women need to see that they have a man who can fulfill the roles they need met, in order to stop trying to fulfill those roles on their own.

Referencing Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs, men are more naturally equipped to provide the base of the heirarchy (physiological and security needs), while women are better naturally equipped to provide the middle of the heirarchy (love, belonging, and esteem needs) to a relationship. Building off of one another, a couple, each person fulfilling their respective roles, can experience a purpose, a meaning, and self-actualize--together. When viewed from the perspective that men are more naturally inclined to provide, and women to fulfill, the importance of men taking their role seriously becomes more clear--it's the foundation of women being able to be wonderful. If women have to meet the physiological and security needs, then they are just as unlikely as men to fill the love, belonging, and esteem needs. Not that either can't accomplish both on their own, but it is so much more streamlined if the process happens together.

Women today have had to step-up to the plate, and take on responsibilites and attitudes of men, because men have failed to provide for them those necessities. Men have failed to be men of honor and have failed to be real men. Albeit difficult to implement a perfect system within an imperfect society, men can start by changing themselves and taking back the roles of chivalrous and honorable.

Faithfulness
Unfortunately, unfaithfulness has scarred the hearts of both men and women. It's important that men reinforce verbally and through actions their loyalty and faithfulness. Lingering looks at other women, viewing pornography, making remarks about other women in movies, magazines, television etc. must be nonexistant.

Honesty
Think of kindergarten when the teacher told you not to lie. It's hard to remember that "honesty is the best policy" because there are so many instances where lying is easier. The truth hurts, but being honest is the only way to build trust with your spouse. Men need to be unconditionally honest with their women about everything and anything. However, honesty does need to come with gentleness.

1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your
wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you
of the gracious gift of life...

Gentleness
At the base of the General Sherman Tree in Sequoia National Park. There was a sign describing how looking up at the tree was equivalent to a mouse looking up at a human. Not quite to the same extreme, but still relevant, a woman being confronted by a man will likely feel intimidated. Men are called to be gentle towards women, and particularly women who are struggling to feel loved and provided for. Being anything but gentle will only exacerbate the dilemma women are already struggling with to be stronger and less sensitive.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Kindness
It's unlikely that men have ever responded as kindly as women would like them to. Men are naturally semi-oblivious to womens' sensitivies and needs. Men need to put forth effort and be kind--kindness is a virtue. Men can't talk to their spouses the same way they talk to their peers; they need to hold their wives at a higher level and be kind to them. Resepectable women are assets, value them.

Loving
Be loving to women. Love them uncoditionally. Love women for everything you are not as a man. Love what is different between men and women.

Ephesians 5:25-29 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with
water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church,
without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this
same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves
his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds
and cares for it, just as Christ does the church...

Humility
Part of being men of honor is being able to admit when you are wrong. Men should be humble and remember that they are imperfect. Men should also be humble because in humility men are better equipped to teach the world and women what they want to accomplish and what they value. Humility shows women that men are willing to learn and listen, and this opens up the gateway for women to stop competing with men, and to respect them.

1 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.

Selflessness
Men, be selfless. Give everything for your women. Sacrifice anything for your women. There is nothing worth holding onto if it will jeopardize, even potentially jeopardize, in any way a man's relationship with his woman.

Ephesians 2:8-9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Men, this is a call to action: gather up your words, your compliments, your values and use them to appreciate what you want to find in your life-partner. It's our job, as men of honor, to challenge the deceptions of society.

Abridged Version of Previous Post

Characters as a Spouse: Rare, precious, trustworthy, kind

Devotion as a Homemaker: Happy, disciplined, prudent, wise with money, energetic, a good stewart, diligent

Generosity: Compassionate and generous

In the Community: Provident, eloquent, industrious, influential, role model, poised, wise

As a Mother: Manages her household, praiseworthy, distinguished

Excellence as a Person: God-fearing, respected, loved, honored

I encourage all women to be proud while striving to be this way and am confident that these lifestyle changes will induce a change in your man (or help attract the man you deserve).

Women: Be Respectable

Proverbs 31:10-31 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her man trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously her whole life.

She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden. First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work and is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor. She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

Her man is greatly respected when he deliberates with members of the community.

She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops. Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her man joins in with words of praise: "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"

Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

Does this woman sound too good to be true? The woman described here is a description that all women should try to match; a composite of many capable women. Not all people have the same skills; noone excels at everything and noone is perfect. However, using this as a perfect outline will direct women in a better direction than society has been selling.

Even more can be said of guys and the behavioral, social, and loving changes they need to make (albeit in a different post). Briefly: Men, be respectable for yourself, and show a woman that you are capable of providing a loving place where they can act out safely in the woman described above. Allow both yourself and your spouse to benefit from the decision to be respectable and loving always. You both will be proud of the type of man you are and the type of woman she feels safe becoming (being).

Questioning where to start? Both parties can start with showing kindness and love towards eachother and towards other people—including actions and tone of voice. Maintain healthy friendships that are with other respectable people. Dress modestly, maintain clear boundaries with the opposite sexes (both physical and emotional), and communicate about grey areas.

Interesting (Unverified) Facts

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".

Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was called "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden". Thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%.
(now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A: Their birthplace/**

Q: Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A: Obsession

Q: If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A: One thousand

Q: What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A: All were invented by women.

Q: What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A: Honey

Q: Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A: Father's Day

In Shakespeare' s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down". It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's".

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it:
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wloh e. Amzanig huh?

Values vs. Ideals

Value: something (as a principle or quality) intrinsically desirable; factual, numerically assigned

Ideal: existing as a mental image or in fancy or imagination only; lacking practicality

Values are not like assholes; not everyone has one. Present society considered, people believing in and truly living by their value(s) (assuming they even have one value) are a rarity. Values are concrete, you stand behind them; they represent who you are. Values aren't always convenient: they make people uncomfortable, and if you don't take complete ownership of your own value(s), they make you uncomfortable. Values cause the people whom live by them to reflect on themselves and the type of person they want to be--consistently. On the flip side, values make other people question and compare themselves to the person holding the value because a value asserts a belief in a principal, moral, or other opinion, which the non-value holding person may not have. Therefor, maintaining a value and living by--entirely and whole heartedly--a value (or set of values) is not a simple task.

Ideals, however, are everywhere. Ideally people make complete stops at stop signs, ideally people don't steal, ideally people are always nice, because they "value" being nice. Right? No. It's ideal to be nice, but people are not always nice. If they valued being nice, then they would be nice without exception because it's a value. Ideals are what we would like to happen day after day, but in reality what is ideal, only happens when it's convenient. "Lacking practicality" is what ideals do because as soon as an ideal is challenged, and needs to be applied practically, it falls short. Ideals exist in fancy or imagination only. They are by no means concrete or solid. They never have to be defended or upheld because since they are only "ideal" justifying compromise is easy, albeit unnecessary.

Recognizing the difference between a value and an ideal is necessary. People are confused...Often...ideals are labeled as values, like a divorce (the value) being called a separation (the ideal). Yes, in fact, a divorce is a form of separation, but separation is not divorce. Similar, but very different with all kinds of different long term ramifications. In a linear sense, if y + z = x, them any change in the true value of y, z or x, falsifies the statement. If you change the definition of a value, it becomes an ideal.

Values are factual, non-waivering. Initially a mathematical term, referring to an actual representation of a non-permeable part, values need to be upheld at all times and defended when appropriate. Most importantly, values can't be waivered, for risk of becoming an ideal. Not to imply that ideals will never have the desired outcome, but the chance of an ideal having the outcome desired, is less than that of a value. Values are predictable and guaranteed returns, ideals are the wild card.

Take your values to the bank, and wish the best for your ideals. Know that your values, assuming you maintain and have some, are worth more than you realize, and your ideals will fade away.

The Crazy Life

Alarm clock: annoying. Getting out of bed: painful. Waking up hurts. Some may argue, but for the most part, waking up is generally one of the more unpleasants in the morning. We live in a crazy society where we get up in the morning, get ourselves pretty, then go to work, for someone else. (Understandably, this applies to the majority of the population, not all of the population.) This is crazy. We are sophisticated slaves, being compensated lightly for our due-diligence to "the man".

Crazy is something I hope we are all striving to move away from. Though living in the society which we dwell, and know all to well, it is nearly impossible to choose sanity. Even if you believe you are choosing to be sane, in time you will realize your choice to be sane, has made you even more insane.

Alas, be crazy. Life is crazy and trying to fight it is only going to make you more crazy. Go with it. Roll with the punches, live with the crazies, find your healthy and acceptable level of craziness, and you're doing much better than the person next door trying to fight it. It's a losing battle. Choose to win, choose to be crazy.